Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
