Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
