you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
