You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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