Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Drake has all the answers
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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