heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
