considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
