Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
