She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
