God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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