I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
