What a fucking waste of an outfit
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
