last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
