there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
