i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
