Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
