I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
