Taylor Swift is so right about you.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
