It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
