Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So much rum. So many feels.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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