Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
