Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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