I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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