whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
