I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Randomize
