it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
