I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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