i think my mom watched the whole time
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
