we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My balls are so social today.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Randomize
