you guys were way drunker than both of me
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
