I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
