So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
