You just made me feel so damn special
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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