i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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