1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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