Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
