is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
