come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
