It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the day after is always just damage control
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
