Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
