Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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