We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
