If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
