Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
