I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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