all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
