shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
