Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
