The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
