The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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