CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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