if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
