Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
