it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
