Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
