I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
nutella sex= disaster
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Everyone says I win the strip club
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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