You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
