What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
